Sam came home, rushed to his parents and said, “Arunima invited me to her birthday tomorrow! She loves playing cricket; I want to gift a bat to her.” Instantly, there was an awkward smile exchange between his parents.
The next day, they went to a shop and asked for gift options. The shopkeeper questioned, “For girl or boy?” They replied, “Girl.” The shopkeeper displayed dolls and a kitchen set. Sam got confused as he wanted to gift a cricket bat, so he asked his mom, “Why these?” Her answer was, “But girls don’t play cricket!”
It was just the beginning of kids developing a patriarchal mind. Why are the preconditioned norms still followed?
Where does it come from?
What comes to mind when we hear ‘makeup‘, ‘kitchen’, and ‘dolls’? Girls!. While ‘sports kits’, ‘cars’, ‘gun’ and ‘finance’ remind us of boys. This is not something random.It’s a behavioural pattern created in homes and cultures over generations. But why?
Tultul Chakraborty, a teacher, believes, “Previously, girls were married off early, and roles were divided for men and women, and they were too young to question those. Hence, they were taught how to manage household chores, for which they were handed kitchen sets and dolls to start with. But now, this is pointless because women have grown far more than just household chores.”
The generations have changed, and so have women. The roots of these stereotypes are extremely deep and cannot be changed overnight. However, what we can do is, we shape the beliefs of the next generation differently.
Children understand differences early
Before a child learns about gender, they are asked to act like one. Society has divided rules for men and women that are taught to them from a very young age, and if they don’t obey, they are labelled as ‘bad kids’. Toys are used to carve these norms into innocent minds.
Parents are considered to be our first teachers, and family plays a very crucial role in shaping the future of a child. The first thing a boy gets to hear when he cries is ‘don’t cry like girls.’ This is the first step towards teaching a boy to suppress his pain only because ‘men don’t cry’.
Growing up, a child sees their mother doing the entire household chores and managing a job as well, while the father’s only job is to earn. Although we say the lives of women are better now, this chain of patriarchal standards still exists.
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Media and market influence
Play things shapes real life roles and are tools of conditioning. Advertisements showing a boy playing with a sports car and girls with kitchen sets impact minds early. The marketed gendering of colours – pink for girls and blue for boys – is the cherry on top.
This discrimination becomes the identity of a child, and they cannot think beyond that. The imagination of girls sticks to domestic chores and doesn’t show interest towards sports or leadership. While boys develop pressure to be strong and competitive, along with hiding emotions.
Break the pattern
Patriarchy is harmful for all genders. Parents need to bring up a child in a gender neutral society to give them a healthy life. Gifting children gender neutral toys and teaching both sons and daughters to help with household chores and play sports can help society move beyond regressive gender roles.
Toys are not just toys; they shape confidence, skills and identity. Introduce wisely because that’s contributing to their future. So, keep aside the patriarchal conditions and let the child choose whether they want to choose a kitchen set, a cricket kit, or both.
Views expressed by the author are their own.
